Yesterday, my friends and I were sitting in our Young Adults group. All of us have had a relationship with Jesus for a while. It would be true to say that we have a great understanding of the pillars of the Gospel of Christ. We would willingly and passionately proclaim that God sees us as spotless and blameless. We can and do quote scripture verse after scripture verse giving evidence to our sins being paid for in full. We know and teach that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1-2 ) and yet here’s a picture of what happened last night.
“When you’ve failed and given into temptation and you’re in the midst of the sin (pornography, sex, drugs, gossip, slander, dishonesty, vulgarity ect) what does God see when He looks at you?”
Our answer, even though we memorized the truth, collectively was silence. Not a single one of us, when caught in the middle of sin, actually believe that God sees us a precious, spotless, perfect and holy. NOT ONE. Why?
Simple answer–shame. We feel shame and assume that we are judged. We believe, in fear, that God somehow sees us as unlovable now.
This week God gave me a word. It’s too good to keep to myself. You see, I’ve painted him with a brush that still has old paint in it. I’ve stained my relationship with God by measuring His love for me through the way I’ve been loved (or not loved) by others. Here’s what God said to me , and says to you:
“Child, I am not them. I will not let you down. I will not hurt you or be malicious to you. I will love you in the deep places of your heart if you will just let me in.” –The Father.
In that moment, God spoke to all of my underlying insecurities. When others let me down, I blamed God. When other people hurt me, I blamed God. When people were malicious, I assumed that some how God didn’t love me enough to stop them from their assaults. I built walls and rules to keep the would be assailants out, and in doing so kept God’s love far from my heart.
And you know what? I am exhausted. I am lonely. I am ready for change.
Recently, a passage of scripture in particular is in the forefront of my mind.