CW: Talk of suicidal ideation, nutrition, weightloss.
Why did I start a home program?
I started home workouts for my mental health.
And not at all in the fluffy I-want-to-feel-good-about-myself thing.
I wanted to die. Straight up. No sugar coating. I hated everything about me. I hated that I was always depressed/anxious/angry. I hated that I couldn’t move past my traumas. I hated that I had no energy.
I went DAYS without showering, sometimes didn’t eat or sleep and then would order skip the dishes or whatever and binge eat 4000 calories and wonder why I was 300lbs.
I watched almost every single program on Netflix. I was getting winded pulling the laundry out of the washing machine.
I felt ugly and undesirable and a burden to my partner.
I hated my lack of self control and could not get any help from the doctors. I fought for over two years to get mental health treatment.
I was at the end of my rope.
I wanted to stick around, if only for Olivia. I knew she loved me. And I didn’t take that for granted.
I needed something to get out of bed for. Something that didn’t take much time because I couldn’t move much and something that had accountability but without having to have anyone SEE ME. Because I didn’t want to see me.
So signed up for the on demand service for the price of my Crave TV, which I cancelled so I could afford it.
The results were undeniable.
I saw such great results in my mood, my body, my sleep, my mobility that I upgraded to coach for the discount alone in two weeks from signing up.
My mental health isn’t perfect by any means, but I’m learning how what I put in my body, mind and spirit really does impact my mood and brain chemistry. For me, the mix of proper dense nutrition, 30 mins exercise a day, support, personal development (and medication)have changed my life.
I won’t ever go back. NEVER.
I had no hope. And now, even in a PANDEMIC, I have hope for a good future.