I’ve been on a journey for the last few months to get in touch with who I am and what I’m here for.My entire life has been about who others say that I am or who they want me to be.
Sometimes that has been great and other times not great at all. I’ve followed paths that weren’t mine and allowed myself to be squashed, diminished, silenced, and harmed.
I’ve allowed others, and even encouraged them, to put me in a box that is acceptable out of fear of the unfamiliar, fear of not being liked, fear of ending up alone and also, fear of success.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am honest to a fault. Though this is true in practice, I won’t lie for others, be put in a position where I feel as though it’s dishonest, or lie to others—I spent YEARS lying to myself.
I told myself so many lies about who I am and what I can and can’t do. It got to the point where I didn’t trust my own desires and intuition.
The past two weeks, I’ve cracked open and started carving out the damaged, the old way of relating, the past way of doing things, to make way for the new.
I’ve stopped the toxic and harmful behaviour I learned from hyper conservative religious systems of wearing my trauma as a prooftext for my spirituality and my worthiness for redemption and have dug into the hard-good-deep healing work of letting all that shit go. I no longer cling to relationships for value because when we value each other, healthy relationship naturally flows!
I’ve stopped demanding acceptance and lean into the trust that those who are meant to be in my life trust and accept me and I do the same for them. This is me. A messy work in progress, who doesn’t have it all figured out, but is done with the old way of being.
Freedom tastes so good.